Guest post by Sarah

  
This is a body that is up 28lbs from my lowest weight when I was starving myself thin and still about 40lbs lower than my highest weight when I started this entire weight loss/fitness journey. I thought I’d find happiness at a number on the scale, and realized that is impossible because that number literally means nothing. To have lost 60+ lbs and then purposefully begin gaining weight back, even though I know it will eventually give me the physique I want, is… difficult. On this bulk phase I’ve gained back almost 1/2 the weight I worked so hard to lose and it is scary, and that’s ok. Being scared doesn’t mean you stop. It just just means you dig a littler deeper and put on your brave face some days. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but it is always forward progress although perhaps down a winding road at times.

  
The best part though… I eat with my family, I laugh sooo loud and often, I lift everything and really surprise myself with my strength sometimes. I like the shape my body is starting to take. Yeah. I LIKE IT. It looks stronger. It’s not as small and whatever society thinks is more ideal as it was before. My belly is softer than it was when I was starving. Things are certainly rounder. Me and a six pack probably aren’t ever going to be friends. Maybe not even neighbors. But I don’t go to bed hungry anymore, I don’t feel weak and deprived and shameful. Most importantly, I don’t ever want my daughter to think she has to be anything less than what she is and whatever the hell she wants to be and I know that starts with me. So I’m just going to do and be whatever the hell I want, unapologetically.